


wanna help my worlds collide?

by queencrank



Category: Lord of the Flies - William Golding
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Cheating, Established Relationship, It starts off unhealthy but don't worry they work it out, M/M, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-27
Updated: 2017-12-22
Packaged: 2018-12-19 07:56:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 16,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11893371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queencrank/pseuds/queencrank
Summary: Reflecting back on this moment, Jack can't tell what exactly sparked... This.But the reason doesn't matter. All that matters is that Ralph wouldn't be home for at least a few hours, and Roger is here and he'swillingand Jack has his fingers tangled in his hair, his tongue thrust in his mouth like he's a fumbling teenager again.





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> jack is a Turd nd neither ralph or roger deserves this or him

Reflecting back on this moment, Jack can't tell what exactly sparked... This.

Maybe it was the fight he had with Ralph that morning. Or the one the night before. Or maybe he's just so  _frustrated_ nowadays. Sexually and otherwise.

But the reason doesn't matter. All that matters is that Ralph wouldn't be home for at least a few hours, and Roger is here and he's  _willing_ and Jack has his fingers tangled in his hair, his tongue thrust in his mouth like he's a fumbling teenager again.

 

'Merridew,' Roger whispers into the kiss, fingers grabbing at the collar of his dress shirt for purchase as Jack pushes into the bedroom. Or maybe to just get his shirt off. Jack breaks the kiss and takes off his tie, tossing it into a corner as he kicks his shoes off. Roger sits on the bed and pulls his trainers off, looking up to him when he stops over him.

'No one is to know, okay? I love Ralph.' He whispers, his voice uncertain on the last bit. Roger still nods, freeing the first button of his shirt. 'It's just a one time thing, yeah? Things will Ralph will work themselves out soon.' Roger stops, and presses his hands flat to his chest.

'Merridew. I get it. It's just to blow off some steam. For both of us.' Jack nods once, stopping to kiss him quickly before taking care of the rest of his shirt buttons, shouldering out of it. Roger shifts up to the headboard of the bed, pulling his shirt off in one fluid motion. Jack grins and climbs onto the bed, unbuckling Roger's belt and teasing his fly down. He bites at his hipbone as he tugs his jeans down slowly. Roger hisses out a sharp exhale of breath and grabs at his hair.

'What about your trousers?' He manages, and Jack shrugs.

'After.' Roger nods, hand resting on his shoulder. Jack works his jeans down his thighs, kissing as he goes, until they're off, leaving Roger in nothing but his briefs below him.

Jack climbs up the length the bed to kiss him again, catching his bottom lip between his teeth as he lazily palms at his half-hard cock through his briefs. Roger curses quietly, hips working up into his hand, his fingers grabbing at his hair.

Distantly, he hears a car door slam shut, and he jumps away to glance at the clock, wiping his mouth guiltily.

'He won't be home until 6. Relax.' Roger's chest is already heaving, and Jack nods, pressing a kiss to the sharp angle of his jawline.

'I know. Just - whatever. Take your briefs off. Let me see you.'

 

Suddenly, the door opens, and Roger scrambles away from Jack, fingers ripping out from under the waistband of his briefs. Jack glances over his shoulder, eyes landing on Ralph's. Ralph blinks, looks between them, then silently turns and walks back down the stairs. Jack sits in shock for a moment, until he suddenly slams back into himself, cursing and scrambling to his feet and rushing after Ralph.

'Fuck - Ralph, wait!' Ralph ignores him, grabbing his keys from where they rest on the kitchen table. Jack catches him at the door, grabbing at his arm, other hand closing over his hand, tugging at the keys. 'Please, wait - '

' _Don't_. Touch me.' Ralph hisses, ripping his arm from his grip. 'Not when I know where your hands have been.'

'Just let me explain, baby, please - ' Ralph looks away and opens the door. Jack can still see the tears in his eyes before he turns completely and bounds down the front steps, stopping by the car. He turns to Jack again when he follows after him, wiping at his cheeks.

'Was it me?'

'What?'

'Did you... Turn to _him_ because of me?' Ralph gestures up at their bedroom window.

'I... I don't know.' Ralph laughs mirthlessly and looks at his shoes, then opens the car door.

'I think I need to stay at Simon's for a bit. I need to think.' Jack nods, desperately trying to catch his eye.

'I love you.'

'I know,' He whispers, starting the car and gripping the wheel, tight, 'That's what hurts the most.'

 

Upstairs, Roger is silently redressing, buckling his belt and searching the floor for his shirt, his shoes.

Jack sits on the edge of the bed and puts his hand in his hands, cursing under his breath. Roger stops, rests his hand on his shoulder. Jack shoulders him away, and the darker boy steps back.

'Is... Are you two gonna be alright?' Jack shrugs and shakes his head, 'You have to. You've been together since high school. You're... You're Jack and Ralph.'  _And I can't deal with being the one to break you two up._ It hangs heavy and unspoken between them - Jack knew how little weight Roger could handle before crumbling.

'That's the thing.' He tells the ground, and Roger shuffles in place. An awkward silence descends over the room as he continues the search for his shirt.

'I think I should go.' He says after finding his top and pulling it over his head. Jack nods, running his hands down his face.

 

-xXx-

 

After showering and changing, Jack buses over to Simon and Charles' apartment, an overnight bag full of Ralph's clothes at his feet.

Charles answers when he knocks, looking unimpressed.

'Is Ralph here?' He asks softly, and Charles raises his brows, crossing his arms.

'Wouldn't _you_ like to know,' He snaps, and Simon appears over his shoulder.

'Look - I just want to talk to him. I brought him some clothes - ' Jack lifts the bag. Simon presses his lips together and edges forward behind Charles.

'I'll take care of this.' He murmurs, stepping past the bigger boy into the hall, closing the door behind him, taking the overnight bag Jack brought. Jack shoves his hands into his pockets. 'I don't think Ralph wants to see you right now.' He says gently. Jack nods, scuffing the worn carpet with the toe of his trainer.

'I don't blame him.' He glances back up at Simon. 'I just - Can I talk to him? Please?' Simon sighs, glancing at the door. No doubt, Charles was watching from the peep hole.

'Look, Jack. I like you, and I know Ralph is really important to you, and you two are like, the definition of love for me. But I think it's for the best if you just let him work it through on his own.'

'But -'

'He has his cell. He'll call you when he's ready to talk.' Simon pats his hand like an old woman would, smiling gently. Then, he goes back into the apartment. Jack stands in the hall for a moment longer, then turns back to the lift, pressing the button to call it up. The door opens and closes again, but Jack doesn't look back. He doesn't need to - he knows who it is.

'I shouldn't - this is gonna drive me mad, if I don't ask you.' Ralph sounds so... broken. It takes all of Jack's self control to not turn to look at him. He knew Ralph - he didn't like people looking at him when he opened himself up like this. 'I... How many times did it happen? Not just with...'

'Um. Only once. With him. Today.'

'Oh. Um. Okay.' Ralph lets out a choked noise. 'Thank you? For the clothes?'

'It's no problem. It's the least I could do.'

'Goodnight. Jack.' The lift doors slide open, and Jack catches his reflection in the mirror across the back of the lift. He wishes he didn't - his resolves crumbles and he turns to Ralph after stepping into the lift. He wants to kiss away the tears tracking down his cheeks, pull him to his chest and beg for forgiveness and another shot.

'Sleep well for me, sweetness,' There's history behind those five words. Six years of whispering those words into phones, into hair, six years of kisses and smiles and touches, words meant for no one else. Jack feels it, and he knows Ralph does, too. 'I love you so much.' Ralph cracks a weak smile that doesn't last long, and the doors of the lift slide closed.


	2. II

Jack knew that seeing Roger wasn't exactly helping his situation.  
But he wasn't about to throw away a decade and a half of friendship for a relationship that might not even work out. Even if that relationship is the best one he's ever had.  
And besides, it wasn't like he and Roger were alone, they were at Maurice's flat.

'How's Ralph?' Roger asks softly, hoisting himself up onto the thick wall of Maurice's balcony. Jack sits down beside him and tries not to think of Ralph's expression from the night before.

'You know as well as I do.' He shrugs, lighting a cigarette.

'I thought you went over there last night?'

'I did. Doesn't mean I saw him,' He tells the lie easily, trying to ignore the heavy guilt that comes when he does, 'His friends are protective. They were just _waiting_ for an excuse to shut me out.' Maurice steps over the threshold to the balcony, three beers in hand. Roger frowns when he offers him one, then looks over to the parking lot below. Maurice shrugs and sits on the patio table, cracking one open for himself.

'They just want to make sure he's happy.' He offers, 'And right now, you aren't making him happy. Sorry, Chief.' Jack leans back against Roger's leg thoughtlessly, closing his eyes.

'Doesn't mean I don't want to make it right.'

'Don't worry, Jack. You guys'll figure it out.' It was funny - the more people who told him that, the less sure he felt that it would actually happen. He nods regardless, leaning back to rest his head on Roger's knee, offering him the cigarette. Although he's barely had any of it, it's already half ash, and Roger taps it away over the side of the balcony before taking a drag, hand resting on his head, fingertips sinking into his curls. Maurice watches them in suspicion, although this is something completely out of the ordinary for them. Maybe he's looking for signs. Maybe they all are.

'Have you talked to him?' The boy looks startled, like he hadn't expected him to talk. Like he hadn't expected Jack to do something so _intimate_ with another boy in front of him - the same boy he was caught cheating on Ralph with, no less - and still have the guts to bring Ralph up. He takes a sip of his drink and nods, inspecting the lip of the can.

'Some.'

'Is he okay?' Maurice narrows his eyes and, for a moment, Jack thinks he'll do what Charles did.

'Yeah. He will be.' He says finally, taking a deep swig of his beer. For the first real time, Jack is glad Maurice's real alliances lie with him.

'Good. That's good.' Jack nods to himself and looks up at Roger, taking a drag of his cigarette and dropping his head back against his leg.

 

Even after they finish their beers and Jack's cigarette is ground to ash, they sit out in the sun. Even though Jack is terrified of heights, and he gets vertigo out here. A world spinning on its axis is better than a silent phone and a cold house.

He watches the remaining beer go from cold to warm, the smouldering butt of his cigarette held loosely between his fingers.

Eventually, Maurice grows bored and collects their rubbish, and Roger trails after him, leaving Jack no choice but to go in and face his silent phone. At least he didn't have to go home yet.

 

He drops heavily on Maurice's sofa beside Roger, fiddling with a dangling thread on his sweater. Roger looks like he's about to say something when Jack's phone - blessedly - starts to buzz on the coffee table before him. Jack lurches forward and grabs it quickly.

'Hello?' He answers, then pulls his phone away to check the caller ID, his heart leaping to his throat, 'Ralph?'

'Hey. Um. I've been thinking. About us.' His heart immediately sinks, and he lurches forward, setting his elbows on his knees.

'Okay.'

'I - I love you. So much. I'm confused, and angry - God, I'm so angry - but I still... I want us to get through this.'

'Me too. A-and you have the right to be angry, you - '

'You know how Charlie's gonna be a counsellor? He um. He wants some practise, before he gets out on the field, and he offered... He'll do it for free.'

'What?'

'I know we aren't married, but um... Counselling. Talking. It'd be helpful.'

'No.'

'Jack...'

'I'll do anything you want to make this even a little bit more right. But... I don't wanna get interrogated by someone who never liked me! I'm sorry, Ralph - maybe someone who isn't your friend?'

'He promised to be objective. Professional. Please? Just once. Try it once, and if you feel like it isn't working, we'll try something else,' There's a long pause, 'Jack. Please. For me?' Jack sighs, rubs his hand down his face.

'Fine. When? Where?'

'Simon and Charlie's? Tomorrow?' Jack immediately perks up at the thought of seeing Ralph so soon.

'I'll be there. Tell me the time?'

'Yeah.' Jack wishes Ralph was there, that he could see him, touch him. Make everything okay again. Even if Ralph looked like he had the night before. Even if he didn't let him anywhere near him - looking at him would be enough for him right now. 'I'll - I gotta go, Jack.' He doesn't give him the chance to answer before the line goes dead. Jack reluctantly pulls the phone away from his ear, turning to Roger.

'What did he say?' Roger asks quietly, not quite meeting his eye. Jack shrugs, pockets his phone, and rests his forehead on his upper arm.

'Wants to do some like... Counselling? Get over this rough patch.' Roger nods, picking at his jeans.

'I feel like... Like I caused this?' Jack shrugs again, edging closer.

'We both did.' He says quietly, resting his hand on his knee, rubbing his thumb over his kneecap. Roger looks down, eyes full of hurt and... Something else, then nods, placing his hand over his carefully.

From the doorway, Maurice coughs, and Jack jumps, pulling away quickly. He drops his gaze to the floor as Maurice walks over, silently sitting across from them.

'Are you two actually... Like is this a thing?' He asks quietly, and Jack looks up sharply, 'I don't care if it is, but Ralph is my friend too. Don't drag him along with you because you can't decide who you want, Jack. Save him from some heartache.'

'I love Ralph.' Jack murmurs, never looking at Roger. He can still feel his gaze boring into his back, hot and pleading and judging.  _Choose me. For once in your life, put me ahead of everyone else._ 'I won't leave him. Not if he doesn't want me to.' Maurice frowns and leans back in his seat, looking between them.

'Alright.' He says slowly, then stands again, leaving Jack alone with Roger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the chapters in the beginning are probs gonna b around this length. i deserve a break all of my other wips are long leave me alone


	3. III

Jack arrives at the flat an hour before he's supposed to, knocking carefully. Like the door is a fucking bomb or something.

Charles is the one who answers again - maybe that's all he did. Answer doors and read big thick books about mental illness or something. His brows furrow, and he glances back into the flat before lowering his voice.

'You aren't supposed to be here until ten.'

'Is that him?' A voice sounds within the flat, then Ralph replaces Charles in the doorway. He smiles, big and bright, and leans in and grabs him by the front of his shirt. Then, he stops and looks at the shirt. 'Is that a new shirt?' Jack blinks, then looks down.

He had spent the night on Maurice's couch, unable to face the quiet of his own place alone, and borrowed one of his shirts. Ralph was probably thinking the worst and, frankly, Jack wouldn't blame him.

'Oh. Uh. No, it's - ' Ralph's face shuts off immediately and he straightens back, stepping back into the apartment.

'I'll put the kettle on.' He says, eerily calm. Jack doesn't miss the way his fists clench at his side. He follows him into the flat like a lost puppy, trailing after him into the small kitchen.

'Ralph - '

'I wanted to start over, Jack! Talk through our shit, go _home_ ,' Ralph won't look at him as he puts water into the kettle, dropping it to the stove too hard.

'I do too!'

'Really? Because, forgive me, but I'm having a little trouble believing you while you're wearing - _his_ \- shirt!' Ralph hisses as if he's concerned about being listened in on. His finger jabs into his chest, and Jack actually recoils. Like it physically hurt.

'This isn't... I slept on Maurice's couch. I borrowed a clean shirt.' Ralph stops and looks up at him, hand relaxing and lowering slightly.

'Oh.' He says quietly, fingertips trailing over his sternum.

'I love _you_ , Ralph. Roger was a mistake. All I want is for you to come home.' Ralph nods miserably as the kettle starts whistling. His hand drops and he turns away from him, and the moment is lost.

 

Charles has already set up when they come out of the kitchen, looking completely and utterly professional. Looking completely and utterly ridiculous. In any other situation, Jack would've laughed at him.

Now, he just sinks into the sofa across from him, squirming under his piercing gaze. Ralph sits on the other end as Charles takes a sip of the tea he brought him, then leans back, opening a jotter.

'Alright. Let's just begin by discussing the issues.' He says calmly.

 

Ralph goes first. And, to be honest, it hurts Jack to hear the amount of issues he had with him. With their relationship.

'You're just - you never cooperate. It's a constant battle with you, Jack! Every time I think we're past an argument, you're either doubling back with a new fucking point or we're fighting about something else. I'm tired of it,' He starts, never looking away from him. Jack stares at his shoes and lets him rant, lets him berate him.

'And you're just... Unreliable. I never know when you're gonna get home, where you are. Who you're with. Half the time, you don't text me back, and when you do I hardly believe what you're telling me!' Charles leans in, tapping his pen against his lips.

'Do you agree with that, Jack? Thoughts?' He interjects.

'I... Know I can be bad at texting,' He says carefully, and Ralph scoffs into his mug, 'But - ' He thinks better of it, knowing that Charles would just call him out on deflecting it. Ralph sets his mug down and pushes his hair from his face.

'Can I go on?' Charles nods, writing something in his pad, 'Not only that, you're always different one day to the next. One night, you're cold and distant and an asshole, and the next you're the perfect boyfriend,' Ralph sighs heavily and curls his fingers into the edge of his jumper, pulling hard at it. 'I'm so tired of this. No more games, no more playing with my emotions. Please, Jack. I just... I just want it to be like it was in high school.' Ralph seems deflated, all the anger squeezed out of him, leaving behind the hurt and confusion and sadness.

'Okay. Good. Jack, where do you think the issues in the relationship stem from?'

'I think we covered them all.' He says quietly, watching Ralph fiddle with his jumper.

'Well. Okay,' Charles makes another note and underlines it, 'What about the other night. Tell me about that, Jack.' Ralph looks up, clearly interested. 'No. Actually - take me through that whole day leading up to it.'

'Um. We hadn't really seen each other that week - Ralph and I, I mean - and I think I just... Missed him? Missed the attention, too, if I'm supposed to be honest. That morning, we had one of those fights. You know - a little fight that gets too far. I can't remember what it was about.'

'You got the wrong milk.' Ralph says quietly, and Charles gives him a look.

'Um. Right. It started with the milk, but then it went beyond that, and then... Ralph left. Went to work. And I was frustrated. So I called Roger.'

'You mean you did this with him whenever you were frustrated with Ralph?'

'No! No. It was one time, I swear. I just wanted to talk about it, have a beer or two, a couple of smokes. I know that Ralph doesn't like it when I smoke in the house, so I guess I wanted to pick another fight? Just to get back at him.'

'But?'

'Ralph and I. We hadn't. Um. Since we hadn't seen each other, like, really seen each other, we hadn't had the chance to... Y'know. For a while.' Ralph looks away again, 'And I couldn't stop thinking about how Roger looked. His mouth, his arms, his hands - '

'Stop.' Ralph says quietly, hoarsely. Jack looks to Charles, who nods for him to continue.

'We kissed. I didn't mean for it to go any further, but he opened his mouth, and I didn't mean to, but it felt so good to just... Feel something like we had. In highschool.'

'Stop,' Ralph says, louder this time, 'Please don't - equate that with what we had. Don't take that from me.' He sinks back in on himself, and Jack can't help but move closer.

'Keep going. You need to hear this, Ralph. It'll help you two come back from this.'

'There really isn't much else. We snogged for a bit, then we went upstairs. Then Ralph came home.'

 

They stop after an hour and a half of just talking. Ralph looks tired, drained, and just... Sad.

'I think you should go.' He croaks as Charles is packing up. 'I think we did this too soon - I wasn't ready to see you. Hear it.' Jack nods, stands. Ralph stands too, much to his surprise.

He walks him out into the hallway, arms tight around himself. Jack hated seeing him like this.

'I'll call you in a few days.' Ralph says quietly. Jack nods and reaches for him, trying not to get too hurt when Ralph pulls away. 'I just. Need to do some more thinking. Alone.'

'Of course,' Ralph turns back to the door, hand on the knob, 'I still love you. No matter what you decide.' Ralph pauses, knob turned. Then, he pushes into the flat without another word.

Somehow, his presence still lingers in the hall, even after the lock slides solidly into place. Even after he gets onto the lift. His sadness and hurt sticks to him like cigarette smoke, like the crushing weight of what he's done.


	4. IV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's a brief mention of roger's dad being abusive  
> also, jack is still the manipulative FUCK he always is

'I don't think we're gonna make it.'

Jack lies in Roger's bed, his head in his lap as he stares at the way the smoke from Roger's cigarette drifts to gather at the ceiling in a thickening haze.  
Roger's father is out of town, meaning that he could be loose, open. How Jack likes. Thoughtlessly, he runs his fingers through Jack's curls and hums in answer. Jack is freezing, even though he's bundled in his thickest jumper. Even with the warmth of Roger's thigh against the back of his neck. Roger's window is wide open, left the way it was when Jack crawled through the opening like he does when it gets bad, when Roger's father gets too drunk, too loud. Only, tonight, Jack didn't have to worry about being caught or getting home before Ralph wakes up.

'What makes you say that?'

'It's been a week. Ralph said he'd call in a few days. The longer I go without hearing anything... The more worried I get.' Roger's fingers tighten in his hair, then loosen after a moment.

'He'll call soon. It's love.' He says simply, offering Jack the last little bit of the cigarette. He shakes his head, and Roger shifts under him as he leans over to stub it out. Jack sighs and presses his face to his thigh, ignoring the way his muscles tighten.

'The more I think about everything, the less I believe that.' He mumbles, and Roger's fingers return back to the movements, now a little stiffer than they once were.

'I... I think you two'll be fine, in the end.' Jack turns his face back towards the ceiling. 'It's love.' Roger ends his statement lamely, words trailing off into awkward silence.

'Do you know anything about love?' Jack tilts his head back to look at him. He knows it's a low blow, 'I mean - if  _I'm_ questioning shit, what say do you have in the matter? Has anyone really...' Roger pulls his hand from his hair and looks away.

'Just because... Just because no one loves me doesn't mean I don't love anyone.' His voice is thick, and his words hang heavy in the air with unspoken meaning.

Jack swallows thickly, then sits up quickly, rubbing the back of his neck to push away the memory of the warmth of Roger's thigh, the feel of his jeans against his skin. He stands, straightening his shirt.

'I'm gonna get something to eat.'

 

Twenty minutes later, Roger softly knocks on the door frame of the kitchen, smiling softly when Jack looks up from the stove.

'I thought you left.' His voice is softer than usual, but Jack is used to Roger's quiet tones by now. He shrugs a shoulder, scuffing at the tile with his sock.

'I wouldn't do that... I wouldn't go without telling you.' Jack turns back to the stove, flipping his grilled cheese. Roger hangs in the doorway, practically oozing nervous energy. Jack sighs, setting the spatula down. 'Look - ' The apology is heavy and dry and fake in his mouth, so he swallows it and leans on the counter. 'Sit. I'll make you one.' Roger does as he's told, playing with the edge of the fruit bowl on the kitchen table as he lowers into a seat.

'Thank you.' He says quietly.

'It's no biggie.'

'It is to me.' Jack swallows and pretends like he didn't hear it. Roger probably thinks he didn't - it was barely more than a breath.

'I did mean what I said. I don't think you see it, but Ralph is totally - he loves you so much that it even scares me.' Jack smiles down at the pan, remembering when Ralph had told him as such. He hadn't believed him then, and he doesn't believe Roger now. 'He'd be lost without you, he'd never seriously think about leaving.' There's an edge of bitterness in Roger's tone, and Jack frowns, thoughts shifting to a more recent memory, of the weight of Roger's words, still crushing on his chest.

'To me, it looks like he's doing some serious thinking right now.'

'Sure, about what to do next. You took him for granted, took _me_ \- ' Roger stops, then starts again, 'I don't think he knows what to do about the thought of you... Wanting someone else.'

'You sure know a lot about how  _my_ boyfriend feels,' Jack grits out, turning off the stove. Suddenly, he wasn't hungry, 'Ralph's more complicated than you think. Smarter than you think. He isn't just some... Lovesick fool.' He turns and meets Roger's eyes when he says it, relishing in the hurt that crosses his expression. He walks into the hall to pull his trainers on. 'He's allowed to be angry. He's allowed to leave me. We're allowed to fall out of love.' Roger makes no attempt to follow him when he wrenches open the door and stalks into the night.

 

When he gets back to the house, he checks the landline, like a hopeful, naive teenager. Like Ralph would even think to call that number. If he even thought to call at all.  
Unsurprisingly, there's no messages. Just like his cell - like the rest of the house, it's cold and silent and empty.

He ventures deeper into the house, turning on lights as he goes in an effort to chase away some of the cold. If Ralph could see him now, he'd go after him about the bill his actions would wrack up.

Jack would gladly sit through Ralph's scolding, just to be able to hold him again.

 

He considers having a drink, just to take off the edge, but he decides against it. What if Ralph did call? It was only ten. And maybe he was waiting until his friends went to sleep, like he used to in high school, back when they were too horny to not fuck but too scared to do anything but kiss and whisper dirty things into their landlines, hoping that no one else picked up the phone.

Instead, he pushes away memories of high school and slowly turns all the lights off again, then falling onto the sofa, unable to bring himself to sleep in the bed without Ralph.

 

He wakes up in the late morning with a sore back and a crick in his neck. Groaning, he tries to stretch without falling out of the makeshift bed, barely getting the job done.

When he checks his phone, he finds two notifications that matters. Two messages, among all the Snapchats and group chat messages.

_**I love you, and I always will. You're my world.** _  
_**I want to come back home.** _


	5. V

When Ralph comes home, Jack is waiting for him.

His car pulls up into the driveway and he slowly climbs out as Jack watches from the top step, making sure to give him time. Give him space. Ralph gets out, hefting the overnight bag over his shoulders. He stops at the base of the stairs, looking up at the house, as if seeing it for the first time. He doesn't look at Jack, even with him staring him down, fingers curling at his side.

'Hi,' He says, still looking at the house.

'Hey.'

'How've you been?'

'Lonely.'

'Don't do that.'

'Tell the truth?' Ralph sighs, finally looking to him.

'Make me feel guilty.' He starts up the steps, pushing past him. In a moment of weakness, he grabs his arm.

'I wasn't. I... I missed you.'

'I missed you, too.' Ralph says carefully, taking his hand and squeezing it for a moment. 'I love you a lot, I do. I'm just - '

'Just?'

'Can I go inside? Please?' It's the tone Ralph used to use with his father - annoyed, tired, anxious to get Jack upstairs and alone. Jack blinks away the memory and smiles, thin.

'Yeah. Course.' He lets go of his hand, and Ralph vanishes inside. After a moment, he follows him in.

 

Ralph is rifling through the cabinets, frowning.

'Have you been eating?' He asks, his tone a strange mix of detached and concerned.

'Does beer count as food?' Ralph sighs, dropping his hand against the counter.

'Jack, you can't just...' Again, with the _justs_. It was like Ralph was trying to hammer in the fact that there was seven years of unspoken words between them. He turns to him, stepping forward. He sighs, then pulls him into a hug, pushing his face into his neck. Although Jack is surprised by the contact, he doesn't hesitate to pull him close, arm bracing across his back, his waist. 'You need to take care of yourself. Even if... Even if we don't make it through this.' Ralph pulls back, picking up the overnight bag from where it rested on the kitchen table.

'I'm gonna sleep in the spare room, I think.' Jack wants to give him his space, doesn't want to chase him away. But watching him walk down the hall instead of upstairs is too much to bear.

'Don't.' He bursts, and Ralph stops, but doesn't turn, and Jack scrambles to correct himself. 'I mean - you don't have to. I can sleep down here. You should... You should sleep in your own bed.' Ralph slowly turns, then smiles tightly and nods, starting up the stairs.

'Thank you.' He says softly, and Jack shakes his head, even though his back is turned to him.

'Don't thank me.'

 

-xXx-

 

Ralph almost can't bring himself to lie down on the bed when he gets upstairs. He closes the door behind him, sure to be soft and quiet. Even though he knows Jack won't follow him.

He leans against the door, staring at the bed. He can't stop imagining what he saw that day - Roger's eyes going round, Jack glancing over his shoulder like it was the most normal thing in the world to be taking his best friend's trousers off.

Jack could tell him a thousand times that it only happened that one time, that it hadn't meant anything. But Ralph wasn't blind, wasn't stupid. He saw how they looked at each other, even when they were in high school and things were never better with their relationship. Even if it was only that one time, he knew that it would happen again if he hadn't caught them. Might still happen again, as soon as he started getting comfortable again.

He lets out a frustrated groan and throws the overnight bag at the headboard to disperse the ghosts, then falls face forward onto the soft mattress, letting himself sink into its foam, forgetting about everything but the soft give of the mattress.

 

Ralph doesn't know how long he lies like that, but he's roused by a soft knock at the door.

'I can order take-away if you want.' Jack says through the door, and Ralph stands, opening the door a crack.

'If you want it, sure.' He says carefully, and Jack looks down at the floor.

'I don't care.' Ralph opens the door further and leans in the frame.

'What were you thinking?' Jack seems to notice how close they are and takes 

'I dunno,' Jack shrugs, thrusting his hands into his pockets, 'Pizza?' Ralph forces a smile and nods.

'Sounds good.' They're both silent, and a tiny part of Ralph longs to drag Jack into the room and forget about distance, forget about polite conversations about dinner. The fraction longed to pull him down onto the bed and chase away the ghosts with memories of their own again, feel him work over him, kiss him, hold him, fuck him.

He ignores that fractional bit of him to instead step forward, closing the door softly behind him. Jack steps back when he steps forward, keeping that distance between them. Ralph sighs but says nothing, stepping past him to go downstairs. He feels a brush of fingers against the small of his back, but he doesn’t look back, not yet.

On the first floor, Jack follows him down, nothing more than an occasional creak on the stairs. Ralph longs to spin around and pin him to the wall, beg him to just get over him.  _It happened. It happened. Don't let it happen again._

'Hey,' Jack says softly, pressing his hand to the middle of his back, fingers curling into his shirt momentarily. He pulls, gently, but Ralph still steps back, staring at the ground. 'I'm sorry. This wasn't meant to happen.'

'I know,' He breathes, and Jack rests his cheek in his hair. Ralph moves to pull away, and Jack grabs for his arm in a desperate moment.

'Don't move. Please. Just... Just let me...' His hand smooths down his arm, then presses his palm to the back of his hand. 'Just let me have something I don't deserve. Just for a second.' Ralph does as he's asked, holding still against Jack's front. Jack barely moves either, thumb smoothing along the curve of his wrist. After a moment, Jack brushes his lips over his cheekbone, breathing the three words that have become more of a habit to say than anything else, then pulls away, gently maneuvering past him and into the kitchen. It leaves Ralph shaken and aching for more, his skin still tingling where he touched him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have this thing divided into 5 parts and at the end of each part im gonna have a split pov (each part is a single pov - if u didn't notice)
> 
> also its been a month since the last update like!!!! wtf @ me whats wrong with you


	6. VI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I THOUGHT I WAS ON CHAPTER SEVEN AND I WAS LIKE 'HELL YEAH ROGER IS GONNA B BACK IN THIS SHIT' BUT ITS NOT!!! AND IM MAD @ MYSELF

Part of Ralph wishes that Jack wouldn't tiptoe around him like he does. He just wants him to apologize and mean it, and then just move on. No more reminiscing about the 'good ol' days' when they weren't public yet and spent all of their time in their rooms.

He looks up from his breakfast, across the table to Jack, who frowns down at his own food. He used to sit right beside him, and even though the table is small and he can still reach him, he feels more alone than he does in that big bed upstairs.

'Where do you go? When you're not home?' He asks carefully. Now that he's home, Jack insists that they keep their distance, ease back into it. Which meant that, when Ralph was home, he barely was.

'Work,'

'We have the same hours. Please don't lie.'

'I'm not!' Jack drops his spoon into his bowl with a loud clatter, and Ralph flinches. Jack swallows and leans forward, voice softening, 'All I do nowadays is go to work and hang around at Maurice's flat.'

'What's wrong with ours?' Jack doesn't answer, and Ralph sets his jaw, looking down again. 'Only Maurice? No... No Roger?' Again, Jack is silent, and Ralph sighs, pushing his hands through his hair, setting his elbows onto the table.

'Talk to me, Jack,' He murmurs, and Jack sighs, standing and putting his bowl in the sink. Ralph thinks he'll leave, mumble a poor excuse and vanish down the hall to avoid him until he had to go to work. But his hand presses to his back as he leans over carefully.

'I love you, baby, I do,' He says softly, resting his chin on the top of his head lightly, 'But I just... Think its for the best that we don't rush back into it.'

'You call this rushing? I barely see you.'

'That's probably for the best,'

'Not when you're around... With him.'

'We have history, Ralph. Roger's my friend.' This was an argument that Ralph didn't want to have again, especially since he's so close to tears. He nods and resists the urge to shrug his hand away.

'Okay. We'll take it slow,' He murmurs, mentally shutting out the hurt and betrayal. Again, Jack had put Roger - nothing more than a fucking toy to him, probably - over him. Jack sighs and rubs his back briefly before straightening up.

'I'll see you tonight.' Ralph hates it, but those four words immediately help him feel better. He gives the table a weak, quivering smile as Jack skirts around him, heading for the kitchen door.

'It's a date,' He manages, and Jack pauses in the doorway, shoulders sinking. He says nothing, just glances back and gives Ralph a small smile.

Ralph doesn’t know how, but it’s enough.

 

Jack comes home - if Ralph can even call it that anymore - two hours later than his schedule says he’s supposed to. Before, he wouldn't have thought anything of it, but with everything that has happened... He's admittedly on edge.

When he does come home, Ralph is sitting on the sofa, curled against the arm. Jack gives him a tired smile and drapes his jacket across the back of the couch.

’Hey, baby,’ He murmurs, coming up behind him and slinging an arm across his chest, kissing his temple. It’s something he does every time he gets back from work, but Ralph still seizes. Jack pauses, lips on his temple, then looks down, shifting his hand to his shoulder. ‘Oh. Yeah. Right - slow.’ He straightens back, and Ralph wants him to lean back down, pull him back against him, kiss every part of him that he can reach, and never let go.

’How was your day?’ He asks softly as Jack moves around the couch to sit at the other end. He shrugs, tracing his finger along the instep of his foot.

’Long. Boring.’ Jack sighs, then silence settles down around them. Ralph stares at his shoes, searching for something to say. Ask him why he’s late - in a casual way. A Taking-It-Slow way.

’I thought you were off at six? I was going to order us something.’ He settles on, and Jack looks over, frowning.

’Oh. Uh - sorry, you should’ve let me know. I logged a couple more hours in this week, my schedules’ all fucked. No use looking at it.’ Ralph nods and curls further in on himself.

'Oh.'

 

In bed, Ralph can’t sleep. He stares up at the ceiling, heavy with the knowledge that Jack was just a flight of stairs away, probably fast asleep. He curls his fists into the duvet and sighs, before pushing the covers back and sliding out of bed. He walks down the hall on silent, socked feet, climbing down the stairs and down the hall to the guest bedroom.

He knocks softly, and there is a soft curse, light flicking on. Jack opens the door a moment later, leaning in the frame.

’Hey. What’s up?’

’Screw taking it slow, Jack.’ He bursts, stepping forward. ‘Screw it. Screw me.’

’Ralph - ‘

’Don’t. Don’t - distance yourself because you feel guilty. I forgive you. I forgive you, I love you, I can’t - ‘ Jack pulls him into a kiss, hard and bruising and perfect. Ralph grabs for his shirt collar and pulls him in, humming into the kiss. This is what he's been thinking about, this is what he's wanted ever since he came back home.

Jack pulls him into the room and closes the door, pushing him against it.

'Ralph - '

'Don't talk.' He murmurs, and Jack pushes his hand up his shirt, pressing closer.

'I love you,' He whispers between quick kisses, hand resting over his heart, 'I love you so much, I'm such an idiot.'

'It's okay,'

'It's not. It's not.' Ralph pulls him down against him, fingers burying in his hair.

'I've already forgiven you,'

'Don't. I don't deserve forgiveness, not yet.' Ralph shushes him, pushing his hair from his face.

'It's okay. I'm totally and unconditionally in love with you, no matter how stupid you are.' Jack grins and pushes his face into his neck, 'Take me to bed, love.'

 

When he wakes up next to him in the guest bedroom, naked and sore and the happiest he's been in a long time, Ralph grins. He turns over into Jack's chest and pushes his face to his skin, feeling his steady heartbeat against his cheek.

He's said it many times, but it's the first time he's believed it. They'd pull through this. Everything would be okay.


	7. VII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ik i said i would work on my original work but im currently 24 hours deep into a mental breakdown so um. im not going to.

Things were getting better. Things would be alright.

Jack has started sleeping upstairs again. Although they start on their own sides of the bed, by the morning they end up tangled together. And that’s what matters - that’s what shows Ralph that Jack loves him, that he still loves him back.

Things were getting better. For about two weeks.

Until Jack brings up _Him_.

 

’Roger wants to talk to you. Apologize.’ He says it carefully, like he knows it’ll piss Ralph off. Which it does. 

Don’t get him wrong, he’s not mad at Roger. He isn’t his biggest fan at the moment, no, but he knew Roger wasn’t at fault for that day. That was all Jack, and it would be something that Ralph could forgive. If it was just a one time thing. If he stopped talking to Roger. If there wasn’t that history, that strange, more-than-friendship bond between them - a bond that Ralph always dismissed before now.

’So?’ He says calmly, turning away from him to start washing the dishes, eager to get his back towards Jack.

’So, he doesn’t want you hating him.’

’He’s not the one I blame.’ A silence settles as Jack processes his meaning, and then Jack sighs.

’Ralph - ‘ His hand brushes the small of his back and he sighs.

’Fine,’ He says, more to get Jack away from him than anything else, ‘Fine. I’ll see him. I’ll talk.’

’Thank you,’ Jack seems to get the message, stepping around him to lean on the fridge instead, ‘That’s good, because he’s um. Coming over in half an hour.’ The plate Ralph is holding clatters loudly into the sink, and he calmly shuts the tap off, turning to look at him.

’You didn’t think to talk to me about it first?’

’I am!’

’When you already made plans to bring him into the house.’

’If you said no, I would’ve called him and told him not to come,’ Jack steps forward and touches his arm.

’I don’t want him in my house, Jack,’ He whispers, ‘I don’t like you seeing him.’

’He won’t come in if you don’t want him to, baby.’ Jack soothes, opening his arms for an embrace. Ralph steps into it and leans his head on his chest. ‘You’re completely in control of this, okay?’

’Okay,’ Jack takes his hand and rests his cheek on the top of his head.

’And if you really don’t like it, I won’t see... I won't hang out with Roger anymore.’

’Okay,’ Ralph says again. Jack reaches over and unplugs the sink.

’Come over here. I’ll do those later.’ Leading him to the sofa, Jack sinks down and pulls Ralph into his lap, rubbing his thigh. ‘I love you. I love you more than anything - I’ll do anything to make this right.'

'Even cutting Roger off?'

'Even cutting Roger off.' Jack kisses his cheek and pulls him against his chest, trailing his hand up his torso.

 

They stay like that until there's a soft knock at the door. Jack draws Ralph closer for a moment, kissing his ear.

'Be nice, baby.' Ralph nods and stands, crossing to the door. Behind him, Jack stands and follows him, pressing up against his back when he opens the door.

Roger's eyes go to Jack's as soon as Ralph opens the door, and Jack curls a possessive arm around Ralph's middle.

'Oh,' Ralph says softly, like he wasn't expecting Roger.

'Um. Ralph,' Roger looks back at him with some reluctance, eyes darting down to his middle as he frowns, 'C-can we talk?'

'About what?'

'About...' He looks back up at Jack, then at Ralph again, 'Can I come in?'

'No.' Ralph doesn't offer him any excuse for the denial, and Roger nods, hands tucking under his arms. Jack's lips press to Ralph's temple and his free hand rubs over his arm.

'Be nice,' He whispers, and Ralph sighs, gently detaching himself from his front to step outside. Jack waits in the doorway.

'I just... I wanted to say sorry for. Um. What happened.'

'You mean when you almost fucked my boyfriend?'

'Um. Yes.' Ralph presses his lips into a thin line. 'I um, I never meant to - '

'Yes, you did. You wouldn't have come here with him if you didn't mean to,' Roger looks up and away, blinking hard, and Ralph forces himself to soften, hating how Roger made him feel so guilty, 'But it isn't your fault. Jack knew how you felt about him, and he used that to his advantage,' Jack shifts behind him and clears his throat uncomfortably, but Ralph ignores him. Roger looks back at him and sets his jaw.

'I, uh, hope we can be... civil? From now on?' Ralph nods and steps back, slipping back into the house. Jack lingers in the doorway, saying nothing. Ralph always felt inferior and shitty when he does that with Roger - have a full on conversation without even saying anything.

'Baby,' He murmurs softly, touching the small of his back, and Jack blinks, looking away from Roger.

'Yeah, I'm - ' He bites his lip and looks back at Roger, 'Can we have a second? Please?' Ralph wants to say no, wants to shut the door and lock Roger out forever. Instead, he gives a tense smile and turns away, walking briskly into the bedroom, straining to listen to their conversation.

  
'Look, Rodge, y'know that if you need me for home stuff, I'll always be there, but I think it's best if we, um, don't talk for a while. Or at all, even. Just until Ralph cools off.'

'Oh. Uh, yeah, I... I get it.'

'Yeah. I'll see... Bye.' The door closes softly, and Ralph rushes to sit on the bed, pulling his phone out. Jack steps into the room and smiles down at him, fond but bittersweet. He stands over him, cupping his cheek gently, kissing his forehead.

'It's done. We're done.' He murmurs, and Ralph gives him a small smile.

'Thank you,' Jack's other hand presses over his neck, pulling him closer, 'I know it was hard to do.'

'Not really. I love you, and I want to make this right. Cutting out Roger is the right thing to do.' Ralph pushes their foreheads together and nods. 'Okay? We're good?'

'We will be.'


	8. VIII

Ralph is woken in the middle of the night by a rapidfire buzzing. He groans, pushing his face into Jack’s neck when he shifts under him. He reaches for the phone, checking the contact name - because who would be calling Jack at two in the fucking morning?

’Who’s emergency?’ He mumbles, and Jack hums, opening an eye.

’Roger.’

’Wh...’ Ralph’s finger hovers over the decline button, ‘Why?’

’I dunno.’ Jack turns his face into his shoulder and hums, drawing him close, ‘Just go back to sleep, I can see what was so important tomorrow - ‘m too tired.’ Instead of settling back down, Ralph answers the call for him, cradling his head to his shoulder.

’Hello?’

’Jack?’ Ralph frowns, glances down at the redhead. Since when did Roger call him Jack? It was always his last name or some ridiculous nickname with them. The use of his first name makes him uncomfortable - too intimate. Too suggesting of their history - a history that has gone on longer than his own relationship with Jack.

’No, it’s Ralph.’

’Ra... C-can you put Jack on? Please? I just... I just need to talk to him.’

’He’s asleep.’

’Wake him up - please?’

’What’s this about?’ There’s a silence, and a muffled sob, sniffle. Then a clatter and a shout, and Roger curses.

’It’s just - I need help. He’s gotten worse.’ Ralph knew a little about Roger’s home life - linked together bits and pieces from snippets of conversations he overheard and glimpses of bruises and scars on Roger’s body.

’Are you at home?’ He carefully detaches himself from Jack’s front, and Jack protests, still mostly asleep.

’Is Jack coming?’

’I am.’

 

Ralph finds him on the curb outside his house, a bag by his side. He leans across the car to open the door for him, staring up at his face.

’You can stay downstairs, if you need to.’ He says quietly, and Roger carefully climbs into the passenger seat, wincing.

’I wouldn’t want to...’ He won’t look at Ralph - instead staring down at the bag in his lap, ‘Would you be okay? With it?’

’I could live with it.’ Ralph starts the car again, focusing on the road. ‘I wouldn’t be comfortable without boundaries but...’ Roger shifts beside him, ‘This is more than our stupid relationship drama. This is your _life_ , Roger. I know you don’t make a lot of money, but you can’t stay there anymore. I... You’re a friend, I’m not gonna charge you to live in our extra bedroom.’ Ralph pretends he doesn’t hesitate before calling Roger a friend, and he’s glad that Roger doesn’t comment on it.

’I know you don’t like me in your house anymore, I don’t...’

’I want you to be safe.’

’I could stay with Maurice.’

’His flat is barely big enough for himself.’

’I’d make it work.’ Ralph pulls up to a red light and twists to look at him.

’Don’t fight me on this, Roger. We have the space. Stay with us.’

’What about Jack?’

’I’ll make sure he stays in line.’

 

Jack is waiting for him when they get home. He stands and frowns, looking very much awake. He looks between the two boys and frowns deeper, walking over to Roger. He places his hand on his arm and bends in close, other hand going to his chin.

’Everything okay?’ He asks softly, touching the purpling bruises around his eye. Roger nods and looks away when Ralph clears his throat.

’I’ll help you get settled.’ He says softly, and Jack looks after Roger in confusion when he pulls away and heads towards the extra room, ‘We’ll talk later.’

 

-xXx-

 

Roger watches Ralph move about the room, never looking at him but never looking away at the same time.

He had always admired him, for a number of reasons. The ability to love Jack unconditionally despite all his faults. His unfailing stability and calmness when everything seemed to be crumbling around them. And boy was everything around him crumbling.

’Is this all your stuff?’ He asks, bent over the dresser. Roger nods, moving closer. The glow of the lamp on the dresser casts a warm light on Ralph’s face, and Roger hadn’t really looked at him before now. He knew he was attractive, everyone did. In high school, girls would swoon when he smiled. Now, he looks tired, and dark circles edge his eyes. But when he looks up at Roger, his eyes are still big and brown and warm, and his hands are steady as ever, folding his shirts and pants.

’Uh - yeah. Sorry it’s all messy, I didn’t exactly have time to - ‘

’I get it,’ He says softly, smiling up at him now. He hadn’t fixed his gap tooth yet, but Roger finds it endearing. A rare flaw in his appearance.

’Uh, thank you. For letting me stay here.’ He shrugs it off and brushes his hands on his pyjama pants, then smooths his bedhead, standing. He’s taller than Roger, but that isn’t hard, and he looks up at him now, shifting uncertainly under his gaze, still soft, but focused now.

’Get some sleep.’ He murmurs finally, and he doesn’t seem to think twice before sweeping his fingertips over his cheekbone. The fleeting touch sends a burst of warmth down his spine that reminds him of the feeling Jack’s mouth on his. He looks down and nods. Ralph smiles again, rubbing his hands over his thighs again. ‘Alright. I’ll uh. See you in the morning.’

 

He closed the door behind him, but Roger can still hear him talking to Jack in the kitchen.

’How long is he staying this time?’ Jack sounds tired, beat down.

’I told him that I didn’t like him living there. I hope he got it that I want him to move in with us.’

’Move in - Jesus, Ralph, you didn’t think to run this by me?’

’Did I have to?’

’Uh, yes!’

’Why? Because you can’t possibly keep your dick in check? He’s in danger there, Jack! I want him out of a situation like that!’

’But what about us?’

’What about us? I obviously want boundaries between you two - ‘ Jack scoffs, and there’s the scuff of a chair against tile. ‘Don’t you dare take another step, Merridew.’ There’s a measured, tense stillness, then Ralph continues. ‘I don’t want you two alone in a room if you can avoid it. And don’t pull what you just did - that was too fucking close for comfort.’

’Jesus, Ralph, we’ve been friends for years, there’s shit I’m used to - ‘

’Then change. Your fucking habits. I am nowhere near trusting you enough to even let you out of my sight, let alone let you near that - ‘ He lowers his voice, ‘He is vulnerable, and it’s very obvious that he cares for you, and I hate that you have the tendency to use that against him.’ The warmth that lingered in Roger’s spine spreads to his gut when he listens to Ralph talk about him, defend him like he does. There’s something in his voice, too, a tone similar to how he used to talk about Jack to him about, back before they started dating and he was trying to figure out if Jack really liked him. ‘Okay? I don’t want you... Taking your frustrations out on him, or... Or anything. If I find out that you are anything other than civil with him, these seven years? Mean nothing.’ Jack is silent for a long time, then he clears his throat.

‘Alright.’

’Alright.’

‘I love you,’ Then Jack says something too quiet for Roger to make out, and Ralph replies even softer, makes a soft noise that Roger can only describe as a moan. He hisses Jack’s name, and Jack laughs. ‘We good? You calm?’

’Yeah. Yeah, I’m calm.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mmMmm that sweete pining roger... it Begins


	9. IX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there has been a um. time skip bc i don’t want to write abt jack and ralph solving their shit when i can... write about roger pining over both of them so  
> time skip
> 
> (also this chapter is kinda all over the place but dw dw it all is. also also ive decided that jalger smut comes in three or maybe four chapters so um. look forward to that)

Over the last two weeks, Roger has watched Ralph and Jack grow closer again. It was like the first year of their relationship, condensed into fourteen days.

It was the little things first - Jack bringing home little trinkets that made him think of Ralph. Ralph ordering from Jack’s favourite Thai place to surprise him. Eventually, their _I love you_ ’s become less measured and more casual.

Through all of this, Roger is an outsider, and he’s never been more aware of it.  
 

He would catch them in strangely intimate moments - Jack kissing Ralph's forehead when he's on the phone, pushing his hair from his face. Ralph smoothing his hands over Jack's face, studying his features intensely - like he hadn't memorized his features yet. The two of them, tangled together on the sofa, whispering with the biggest smiles on their faces.

 

Now, he climbs the stairs to find Jack leaning over Ralph, hand on the wall by his head. They're grinning, but in a way that Roger can tell they're trying to stay serious.

'I'm afraid I can't let you go downstairs,' Jack whispers, and Ralph hums, lifting his chin.

'And why's that?'

'You're just too pretty to not snog for a bit,' He grabs at Ralph's rear, and he laughs loudly, arching away from his touch. Roger clears his throat, and Jack looks up, not moving from his position. Ralph, on the other hand, straightens and smiles nervously.

'Hey, Rodge,' He has since adopted Jack's nickname for him, and Roger can't push away the flush of warmth that always accompanies it, 'How are you?'

'I'm good,' He looks away, and Jack quickly kisses Ralph, hand dropping to his waist.

'I'm gonna be late for work,' He whispers, and Ralph hums, taking his hand for a moment.

'Have a good day, baby.' Jack nods and slips past Roger on the stairs, leaving the two alone. Ralph smiles after Jack, fond and soft, then looks to Roger, the look fading. He still smiles, leaning on the wall. Roger searches for something to say, searches for where to start. He knew that  _Last night I dreamed about you but I also dreamed about Jack and I'm really confused about all of this_ wasn't exactly small talk.

'What are you - '

'Do you - ' They start at the same time, then Ralph's smile broadens.

'You go.'

'Um,' Losing all train of thought and gathered courage, Roger looks away, 'Do you want to go out somewhere for lunch?'

'I actually have leftovers I need to eat. Maybe another time?' Roger nods, squirming under his gaze. He could never understand how someone could be so contradictory - laid back and soft and also laser-focused - and he could never understand his attraction to such contradictory people. He looks back at Ralph, who is halfway down the stairs at this point.

'Ralph?'

'Mhm?' Ralph pauses, leans on the banister.

'You look... You look really nice today.' The smile that earns him is worth the anxiety in his chest.

 

 

Later that night, Roger can't help but stare at the other two, illuminated by the lamp behind the sofa when they watch television together.

Neither of them pay attention to the show, and Ralph looks at Jack like he's his entire world. Jack grins down at Ralph and kisses his forehead, swiping his thumb over his bottom lip. From what Roger can hear of their conversation, they talk about nothing important, all small talk and little stories from work or the internet. Roger is more interested in how they sit, how they look. Their legs are tangled together so well that Roger can't tell who's who in the low light, and Jack keeps Ralph upright with a hand on the small of his back. Roger wonders what it's like to be in love that much that they could come out of something like what he's done to them and still be this good.

At the next commercial break, Jack stretches and glances at the time.

'Anyone want tea?' He asks, and, without warning, he drops Ralph to the couch. Ralph cries out in protest when he pulls away, wrists landing in Roger's lap.

'Asshole!' He calls when Jack laughs, 'I could've hit Roger!'

'But you didn't, that's what matters.' Jack taps his temple and Ralph huffs in annoyance, looking back at Roger.

Even at this angle, he's cute - eyes round and hair lifted off his forehead, lips parted in the lingering surprise of his collision with the soft cushions of the sofa. Roger resists the urge to cup his face, feel the warmth that always seems to radiate off him and Jack. He smiles up at him and Roger finds himself smiling back before looking around for Jack, wishing he had something to occupy his hands with. The only thing he can think of doing is clasping one of Ralph's hands, which are still resting in his lap. Or maybe even both of them.   
  


Before he can do anything that he would've regretted, Jack comes back with three mugs in hand, setting them on the table. Effortlessly, he lifts Ralph again, kissing his neck as he settles in his lap. Ralph looks over at Roger and smiles sleepily, and he can't breathe right.

'What're you thinkin' about, Rodge?' He murmurs, and Roger shrugs, unable to look away from them. Jack reaches behind them and pulls a blanket over Ralph, rubbing at his shoulder calmly.

'Just tired, I guess.' Ralph hums and pats his hand, resting his cheek on Jack's shoulder. Jack glances over at Roger, then back at Ralph, the warmth and adoration in his eyes never faltering. He pushes his nose into Ralph's hair and stares up at Roger. Through the blanket, his hand finds his, and he squeezes it momentarily.

 

And for the first time in a long, Roger doesn't feel so alone.


	10. X

Despite all of the positives in Ralph and Jack's quickly-strengthening relationship, there are still flaws. Still fights.

Roger listens to their newest screaming match, trying not to listen in. And failing, miserably, unable to shake the feeling that the fight was about him.

From what he can gather, it isn't, but he isn't able to listen for long before a door slams and someone thumps down the stairs loudly. Ralph opens his door so hard it slams against the wall, then blinks at him.

'Oh. I forgot you were...' He runs his hands through his hair, breathing heavily, '...I'm sorry. I just - ' He fumbles for the knob again, and Roger sits up quickly.

'You can stay, if you want.' Ralph looks down at him in confusion, then steps into the room, pushing the door shut with his back, sliding to the floor and pushing his forehead against his knees.

'I'm sorry,' He says after a minute, voice muffled, 'I'm sorry, it's just - I always come down here when we fight. He just... He knows how to push my buttons.'

'There are cons to knowing each other so well.' Roger stands from the bed to sit beside him. Ralph lifts his face to look at him.

'He really isn't the greatest of guys, is he?' The blond whispers, and Roger shrugs.

'Yeah, but we - you love him.' If Ralph notices his slip, he doesn't mention it. He smiles at him sadly and rests his cheek against the back of his hand.

'Yeah.' He says simply, then rests his hand on top of his. At the contact, Roger's heart immediately leaps into his throat, and he can't breathe.

  
It took a while to realize that what he felt for Ralph wasn't just jealousy over Jack - and what he felt for Jack wasn't just love, or lust, or whatever it was.

He knew it was selfish, but he wanted both of them, wanted their little intimacies and closeness to be directed to him. Almost every night now, he dreams about just _being_ with them. Being so comfortable that they could sit in silence and it wouldn't be uncomfortable.

  
And this touch, one that he knew Ralph wasn't thinking about, it meant everything to him. The sad smile, the look in his eyes.

'You always look like you're neck-deep in thought. What's on your mind?' He says it so softly that, if Roger wasn't staring at his lips, he would've missed it. He swallows, and Ralph edges closer, 'Hm? What's got you so troubled?' _You. You, you, you and everything about you. You and Jack._ He shrugs instead, and Ralph hums, clearly dissatisfied.

'Why are you so _secretive_ , Rodge? I don't bite, you can tell me.' There's a silence, and then Ralph shifts, turns towards him. His fingers tighten around his hand, but not in a nice way. His voice tightens. 'It's not about Jack, is it? 'Cause, I-I-I'd like you to tell me if it is, Roger, I just - ' There are tears in his eyes now, possessive and fearful tears, because he doesn't see how much Jack loves him, how much he loves him.

'It's not about Jack,' but he whispers it, and Ralph doesn't hear.

'If he's... If I'm gonna be...' There's a lot in his face now, in his voice. The lingering anger from the fight, panic of any possible loss of love, so much more that Roger can't name. He hates how scared Ralph looks, so he shuts off his brain, pushes away anxieties and moral boundaries, and surges forward.

 

Ralph's rant dies in his throat as soon as their lips collide, going limp and slumping back to the door, bringing Roger with him.

The kiss is clumsy and soft, but it's Ralph that hauls him closer, deepens the kiss. Roger's hands go to his hair, and he grabs at it.

'I love you,' He murmurs into the kiss, and Ralph freezes under him, then pushes him away, chest heaving.

'No.'

'I'm sorry,' He starts, but Ralph wipes at his mouth, scrambling away.

'No. I can't.' He staggers to his feet and pulls the door open, barely looking down at Roger.

'Ralph, please, can I just - '

'I need to apologize to Jack.' He closes the door, twists the knob before so it doesn't make a sound. He's quiet on the stairs too, but he can hear the door open upstairs, hear them talk quietly. Jack gets loud for a moment, then quiets, and Roger hits his head against the wall, cursing himself quietly as he mentally prepares himself to start packing.

 

-xXx-

 

Jack looks up as soon as Ralph opens the door to their room, smiling triumphantly.

L’That didn’t take long.’ He says, and Ralph chokes on a sob. Immediately, his expression falls and he stands, pulling Ralph into his arms. ‘Hey, hey, hey, I’m sorry, okay? You know I hate it when you cry.’ Ralph shakes his head, then pushes his face into his shoulder.

’It’s not... It wasn’t you.’

’What was it then, baby?’ Jack rubs his back.

’I uh, I went downstairs, like I always do. And um. Roger was there. And he - I... We kissed.’

’You kissed?’ Jack pulls back, looking to the open doorway. ‘I’m gonna - ‘

’It isn’t that big of a deal, baby, honest!’

’You’re crying, Ralph!’ His voice is raised, and Ralph presses his finger to his lips, glancing over his shoulder. The walls were exceptionally thin in this house.

’Because I feel bad! I’ve been giving you shit all month for using him, but as soon as he kissed me, I just... I didn’t even think about it. I kissed him back.’ Jack sets his jaw and looks away, eyes steel. ‘And... And I liked it, Jack. And I hate that I liked it.’

’I’m gonna kill him.’ He says calmly, and Ralph hurries to stop him.

‘Don’t make a big deal out of this, please. It was one kiss.’

’You get to leave after what I did but I can’t even yell at him?’

’A kiss! It wasn’t anyone’s fault!’ Jack sets his jaw and looks away.

’Okay, fine.’ He pushes past him to the bed, sitting down heavily. ‘Tell me what happened, step by step.’

’I don’t think that’s a - ‘

’I swear to God, Ralph - ‘ Ralph quiets his protest and sits beside Jack, and retells Jack what happened in those last ten minutes. When he gets to the kiss, he pauses, wondering if he should repeat what was said.

’Get on with it,’ Jack grits out, and Ralph looks away, ‘What? Did you feel each other up or something? Why won’t you tell me?’

’No! Nothing like that happened, I promise. It’s just...’ He doesn’t look at Jack, ‘He said he loved me.’

Instead of getting angry, like Ralph expected, Jack is silent. He looks up at him, finds him calm.

’Well?’

’I knew that.’

’You what?’

’I saw how he looked at you - looked at me, too. He’s... He’s never been in love, Ralph. I don’t think he knows what it feels like. He mistakes a lot of things for love. Infatuation. Admiration. Strong, positive feelings. I don’t think he actually loves me, and I don’t think he actually loves you.’ Jack says simply, ‘That’s not what I’m concerned about. I knew he had the same feelings for you that he does for me. I just didn’t think he had the balls to act on them.’

’Why didn’t you say anything?’

’Because you overthink, baby.’ Jack pulls him to his side, kisses his temple, ‘And, these feelings he has? I reciprocated them. Or still do, I dunno. It’s all just this one jumble of loving you and wanting him, and wanting you and... feeling whatever this is for him.’ Ralph leans against him and closes his eyes.

’So you want him.’ He knew this. Why else would he be willing to fuck him?

’Yes. I have for a while.’

’How long?’

’Since before we got together.’

’Then why did we get together in the first place?’ Ralph pulls away now, but Jack is quick to take his face in his hands.

’Because I love you more than I want him. I always have.’ Ralph nods, meets his eyes.

’You know what sucks? I can’t even chew you out for this. Because... Because I want him too, y’know?’ Jack pulls back, and blinks down at him.

’Really?’

’Yeah. I just. That kiss, Jack. I haven’t been kissed like that in a long time.’ Jack looks deep in thought, then a smile breaks out on his face. ‘What?’

’I think I have a solution for this dilemma.’


	11. XI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is it people.... the Fucc ‘n Succ
> 
> or, 3.5k words of smut where I obviously hold a preference for ralger bc uh... I Love It A Lot

They find Roger where Ralph left him, sitting on his bedroom floor by the door. Ralph knocks lightly before poking his head around the door, looking towards the bed. Movement in the corner of his eye makes him jump, and Roger stands quickly.

'Ralph, I - '

'Can we talk?' He asks quietly, and Roger looks from his face, then over his shoulder when Jack presses his hand to the small of his back.

'I - Jack, I didn't - ' Roger steps back, and Ralph frowns.

'I'm not angry, Roger.' Jack says softly, and Ralph bites his lip.

'Can we come in?' Looking between the two of them, still clearly apprehensive, Roger nods slowly, moving back to sit on the bed. Ralph goes to sit beside him as Jack closes the door.

'Look, I'm not gonna lie, that kiss threw me,' He starts carefully, taking his hand, 'Not to mention what you told me. But... I liked it. A lot. And I like you.' He moves closer, and Roger's breath hikes up. 'And Jack likes you a lot, too. So,' He pulls their hands into his lap, rubbing his thumb across the back of his hand, 'We discussed it a little bit, but I think it would be best if you were included in that conversation.' Jack hovers over them, uncertain, but Ralph only has eyes for Roger at the moment.

'Okay,' Roger says softly, meeting his eyes.

'Yeah?' He nods, and Ralph smiles, big and nervous. 'Okay. I just want you to know that, even if anything doesn't happen, nothing will be changed between any of us, alright? This is just... Just a trial run, okay?' Roger bites his lip and looks up at Jack, then back at Ralph.

'What if I don't want a trial run? I-I just - I want you two. That's all I want. In any shape or form, but I don't want to be some experiment or-or something that you two do to spice up your bedroom life.' Ralph laughs quietly and moves even closer. He's practically in his lap at this point.

'We never saw you like that,' He whispers, taking his face in his hands, 'We just - we're two people who are in love with each other, who are also in... love, for a lack of a better word, with a third party.' Roger swallows thickly, raising his face towards him and closing his eyes when his fingers smooth over his temples. 'And we just wanna figure this out. Okay?'

'Okay,' Roger whispers thickly, and Ralph climbs in his lap.

'Okay,' Ralph's nose slides along his temple and his fingers shift to his hair, 'Can I kiss you?'

'Yeah,' He tilts his chin forward and kisses the spot between his brows, fingers smoothing down the back of his neck. He kisses down the bridge of his nose, humming when Jack's fingers slide over the small of his back, hiking his shirt up.

Ralph thinks about continuing down the straight path he was taking, but he instead shifts to kiss along his cheekbone. He turns his face to Jack as much as he can, and Jack's fingers falter on the base of Ralph's spine.

'And you're okay with this?' He asks softly, and Jack nods,

'Yeah,' He sits down in the spot that Ralph left open, rubbing the blond’s back, 'Yeah, I'm okay with this.'

'And you agree? With Ralph?'

'About everything.' Roger whimpers when he moves close and bends his head to kiss his jaw. He licks and mouths along the line of his jaw, and Roger shivers, fingers lacing with his.

'And you want this? Us?' Ralph whispers, turning to rest his nose on his cheek.

'More than you can imagine.'

'And you're up to... Do more than kissing?'

'Yeah,'

'Good,' Ralph finally makes his way to his mouth, but stops to pull back, hands coming back to his cheeks. He smiles down softly at him, and the way Roger is looking at him makes him never want to look away again.

'You're beautiful,' Roger says suddenly, and Ralph smiles wider, bending to brush his nose along his.

'You're not so bad yourself,' He murmurs fondly, and Roger is about to say something else when he leans forward to kiss him gently.

Roger's lips part immediately, but Ralph doesn't take the chance to get his tongue in his throat, like he knows Jack would. Instead, he just kisses him, enjoying the way his lips felt on his, revelling in the surround of contact from him and Jack.

When he breaks away, Roger looks disoriented and distant, still looking after his mouth. Jack leans in and kisses his shoulder through his shirt, then kisses him quickly. He starts taking off his shirt when Roger sits forward.

'C-can I? You can take my clothes off.' Jack looks down at him, then nods.

'I think you two are getting too attached to each other,' He murmurs teasingly, and Ralph hums, lifting his arms. Roger glances up at Jack for a moment, unsure. 

'I don't have to, if you want to - '

'C’mon, Rodge. You're my two favourite boys. I think it's hot, how into each other you are.' Ralph rests his arms on Roger's shoulders as he rolls his shirt up his torso, gathering the fabric slowly and carefully in one hand and sliding the other over his stomach.

'You can go a little faster, y’know,’ Ralph breathes, careful not to disturb the tenderness of the moment.

'Yeah, I know.' Roger looks up at him again, kissing him gently once more before pulling his top all the way off, dropping it on the floor by the bed. He bends to kiss his chest as Jack sits forward, biting at Ralph’s bottom lip.

'What about you, baby? I feel bad that you're not getting as much attention.' He murmurs around his teeth, and Jack lets go of his bottom lip to cup his face.

'Watching you and Roger is good enough for me,' He murmurs, and Ralph hums, leaning in to press several kisses over his cheeks.

'Still,' Jack shifts closer, letting Ralph pull his shirt up over his head in one fluid motion, 'This is for you, too.'

'Okay, here - ' Ralph whines in protest when he lifts him easily, bringing him to the bed and away from Roger's attentions. He lies back, chewing his thumbnail as Jack turns to Roger, who blinks up at him. 'How about we take care of your shirt, then we'll take care of Ralph.' He says softly, and Roger nods, bending forward when his hand slides up his chest.

Jack doesn’t ask before kissing him, and it’s more rough, just as Ralph expects. But Roger seems to respond to the roughness just as easily as he responds to his softness, grabbing at his shoulder and pressing back when Jack tips his head to the side to get a better angle. Jack gathers his shirt in his fists, pulling it up and only breaking the kiss to pull it off all the way, then bending to plant quick, measured kisses down the length of his torso. Roger's chest is heaving, and his lips swollen by now, but he doesn’t seem too unravelled other than that. Ralph must make a noise, or shift, or do something to snap Jack out of it, because he curses softly and pulls away to lift onto his knees. He glances back at Ralph for a moment before hauling Roger back up into a brief kiss.

'Okay. Yup. That's - bloody amazing.' He murmurs when he pulls away, settling next to Ralph. Roger pauses, looking over them. Jack leans over to kiss over his heart, fingers working over the front of his jeans in a inchingly slow pace.

'What do you want me to do?' Roger asks, and Jack smiles at him.

'One of my favorite things about fucking Ralph is how worked up he gets in such a short time. C'mere, I'll show you how.' Roger settles down on the other side of Ralph, and he glances up at him, worrying his lip. Jack's hand eases over the front of his jeans, making him sigh in pleasure, hips lifting into his palm. Jack smiles and presses a kiss to his cheek.

'You're the sweetest thing I have ever seen, you know that?' He murmurs, other hand resting on his forehead, pushing his hair back from his face. The heel of his hand presses to his growing erection, and Ralph whines, starting to squirm under him. 'See?' He murmurs in the same soft coo, although he isn’t talking to Ralph anymore, 'So sensitive.'

Roger edges forward, fingers working over Ralph's stomach.

'There,' Jack taps a spot on Ralph's collarbone, 'Leave a mark. It drives him crazy,' Roger does what he's told, gently working his teeth over his skin. Ralph's breath hikes, and he moans softly, fingers burying in his hair.

'Fuck,' He breathes, and Roger hums, sucking at his collarbone. Jack's nose rests in Ralph's hair as he unbuckles his belt, easing the fly of his jeans down. His palm presses to his cock through his briefs and Ralph bends up under their hands, whining and slinging his leg across Roger's back. Roger pulls back enough to swipe his thumb across the mark, glancing up at both of them for approval.

'Darker,' Jack hums, and Roger nods, bites at Ralph's collarbone with more pressure. The blond lets out a shaky sigh, turning his face into Jack's neck.

'Please, baby,' He whispers, and Jack turns his attention back to him.

'What do you need, love?'

'Something. Anything. Everything you got.'

'Not everything, pretty boy. You gotta share me, remember?' Ralph nods and leans up into him, grabbing the back of his neck, lifting his chin to press sloppy kisses along his jaw. Roger pulls back and sits back, and both of them glance after him at the loss. Jack shifts onto his knees and leans across Ralph to pull Roger's belt free and his fly open. Roger shifts back on his rear to kick his jeans off before pulling him into another kiss. Ralph works his own jeans off before moving up to the headboard, sitting up and watching them appreciatively. Roger is the one who breaks the kiss, looking down at him with a smile. Jack leans in, hand on the small of Roger's back, mouthing at his throat.

'Can I..?' Roger gently detaches himself from Jack to lean down, nose resting in Ralph's navel. Jack grins after him, rubbing his back.

'Yeah, there you go,' He whispers, and Ralph laughs shakily, hand pushing through Roger's hair, 'Make him feel good.'

 

They have shifted so Ralph is in Jack's lap, naked desperately slinging onto his arm, and Roger is between his knees, pressing kisses to the inside of his thighs. Ralph's breaths come labored and raspy and he leans back against Jack.

'So pretty,' Jack murmurs in his ear, 'Don't you think?'

Unsure of who he's talking to, they both nod, and Roger looks up from between Ralph's thighs.

'Do you want me to use my mou - '

'Yes! Yes, please, yes,' Ralph immediately blurts, and Jack grins against his temple. 

'I wouldn't ask him - catching him by surprise gets a better reaction.' Roger doesn’t answer, licking a long stripe up the underside of Ralph's cock. Ralph immediately lurches into Jack's arm, which he has braced across his chest.

'I dunno, I'd say that was pretty nice.' Roger finally murmurs, lips resting on the head of his cock.

'Stop talking.' Ralph grits out, and Jack laughs, rubbing his hand over his heart. Roger smiles, small and fond, and looks up at them for a moment. Ralph wants to ask what he was thinking about, again, but before he can, Roger takes his length in his mouth. He gasps, nails pressing into Jack's arm.

'Now that's a pretty sight,' Jack muses, taking Ralph's chin in hand. He allows Ralph to watch for a few more moments before turning his face to his, kissing him slowly, swallowing his moans and desperate noises. Ralph tries to split his focus on the two of them, then gently pulls away, kissing Jack's nose lightly.

'It feels much better than it looks,' He murmurs, rubbing their noses together for a moment. Jack chases his lips for a short distance when he turns, leaning further back into him. Settling for a compromise, he covers the side of his face and neck in kisses, rubbing his hand over his thigh. Ralph arches up away from him and into Roger’s mouth when his cheeks hollow around his shaft.

’ _Fuck_ , Rodge, don’t - don’t stop.’ He whispers, the sound barely there, slumped against Jack's arm.

'You close?' Jack asks for Roger, eyes on Ralph’s profile.

'I will be, if he keeps it up.'

'I don’t want you to come yet, baby,' He murmurs, tapping Roger’s shoulder. Reluctantly he pulls off, wiping his mouth on his wrist. Ralph curses and tumbles forward when Jack lets up on his arm, barely catching himself. He reaches up for Roger, pulls him into a kiss, slow and lazy.

'I think my new favourite thing is having you suck me off.' He whispers, pushing his forehead to Roger's. Roger laughs, his nose resting in the crook of his neck, and his index finger running up and down Ralph's spine in a lazy repeat, drawing a shiver from the blond. Ralph's hands drop to his hips, fingers working under the waistband of his briefs. Roger lifts his hips and lets him pull his briefs off, and the heavy rustle of jeans being removed and dropped on the floor tells them know that Jack is following suit. Ralph pauses to look over Roger's bare body, biting his lip.

'You're pretty,' He whispers, eyes finally returning to his face. Jack rests his chin on Ralph's shoulder and hums in appreciation and agreement.

'You both are,' The redhead says softly, and Ralph turns his cheek to push it to his, 'But you know what I think? I think you'll look even prettier if Ralph rides you. Hold on - ' Jack climbs off the bed, and Ralph whines at the loss of his warmth at his back. Jack pauses, adjusting his briefs for a moment before looking back at them. 'I'm gonna go get some lube. You two can uh... Occupy yourselves.'

 

When he returns with the bottle of lube, they haven't moved from their positions, but Roger has sucked a ring of hickeys across Ralph's chest, and he now runs his finger over the marks. Jack hums from the doorway, pulling his briefs off before joining them.

He says Roger's name softly, and he turns to look at him.

'C'mere,' He murmurs, and Roger glances back at Ralph for a moment before edging over to him, 'I just wanna get you ready.' Ralph settles his chin in his palm and smiles softly, watching as Jack squirts some lube in his palm, slowly spreading it over the head of Roger's cock. Ralph rests his chin on Roger's shoulder and rests his forehead against his jaw, feeling the vibrations when he moans, hips lifting into Jack's hand.

He strokes him with slow, purposeful movements, and it doesn't take long for Roger to devolve into a mess. Eventually, Jack pulls away with a kiss, then turns to Ralph. He doesn’t have to say anything for him to climb over to him, allowing him to spread the remaining lube over his entrance.

Ralph watches Roger shift to the middle of the bed, notices how he regards them. Their eyes meet and he bites his lip, moaning when Jack eases a finger into him. Roger flushes from his chest to the tips of his ears, making Ralph grin and reach for his hand, sliding his nose along the curve of his wrist. Jack works another finger into him and Ralph curses softly against his skin, closing his eyes when Roger slides his fingers through his hair, thumb rubbing over his cheek. The blond lifts his chin and takes his thumb into his mouth, sucking at the digit. Roger makes a noise in the back of his throat that makes him smile around his finger, eyes on his face. Jack must notice what he’s doing, because his fingers still in him and he leans over him to kiss his shoulder blade.

'Imagine what he looks like with his mouth around your cock,' He tells Roger, who nods dumbly.

'Yeah. I can.' He mumbles, and Jack grins against Ralph's shoulder blade, pressing a third and final finger into him.

His fingers crook in him, and Ralph moans around Roger’s thumb, hips pushing back up against him. Jack mouths at his shoulder before biting a bruise into the skin, free hand hard on his hips. He speaks into his ear, loud enough that Roger could hear, but meant only for him.

'I could be selfish, y’know. I could get you to come on my fingers, let Roger go cold and unattended,' He bites at his earlobe, tugging it gently, 'I could make you come like this, and you'd thank me for it.' His fingers crook again, and Ralph lets go of Roger’s thumb to cry out loudly. 'But I’m not _that_ mean.' He lets go of Ralph, who looks to Roger, smiling tiredly. He climbs into his lap, arms wrapping loosely around his neck.

'You ready?' Roger’s eyes are unwavering on his face. Ralph nods, holding his gaze as he sinks back onto his cock, letting out a shaky moan.

'Fuck,' He whispers, a hand going to Roger’s chest to steady himself, 'Fuck, that’s good.' Jack kneels beside them, watching them with interest.

'I just wanna day how good you two are,' He murmurs, 'So patient, so sweet. I don't deserve to even watch this.' Ralph opens an eye to watch him - he’s started to stroke himself lazily, eyes on the limited space between their bodies. He’s torn on moving away from Roger to give him a better look and moving closer, entirely reluctant to part from the boy or break his focus. Instead, he bends forward and rests his cheek on Roger’s shoulder, the hand that previously rested on his chest dropping to push Jack's away, resuming the task for him.

Jack’s breath catches in his throat, and Ralph smiles, loose and happy, moving his hips against Roger’s in tandem with his strokes. He ensures to swipe his thumb over the head of his cock with every other stroke, knowing how quickly Jack got riled when he did it.

Soon, Jack is bucking up into a hand, a helpless jumble of sweet nothings, compliments, curses and begging falling from his lips in a slur. Ralph shifts in Roger's lap again to lean in, pull him into a kiss.

'You know what I would love, baby? If you came for me, right now.' He coos, and Jack - as if waiting for the command - immediately spills over the back of his hand with a groan of his name. Ralph kisses his temple and brushes his curls from his face, smiling fondly at him when they break apart. 'There you go, baby.' Jack quickly kisses him again before slumping back against the headboard to catch his breath. With Jack taken care of, he turns his attention back to Roger, who is patiently attentive through it all. His hand goes into his hair, and the boy beneath him lowers his lashes, leaning into his hand. He closes one eye, keeping the other trained on his expression. After a moment’s pause, Ralph pulls back and adjusts to press his hands on Roger’s thighs. He tilts his face to the ceiling, closing his eyes and allowing himself to chase his own pleasure, a low, trembling moan falling from his mouth, which hangs agape.

'Beautiful,' Roger whispers in absolute awe, seemingly unaware that he says it, and Ralph grins so wide it hurts his cheeks, chin dropping back to his chest. Roger blinks and says it again, more sure of himself now. 'So fucking beautiful.’

He grabs at his arm and leans forward, pushing his nose to his temple. Roger kisses his jaw, then pushes his nose against his skin, breathing in sharply.

'Is this okay?' Ralph murmurs, cradling his head to his chest. Roger nods quickly, mouth on his neck.

'More than okay. Perfect. You're perfect. You're so...' He mouths at his skin, words trailing off into heavy breaths. Ralph kisses the top of his head and runs his hand over his hair, hips rolling slowly against his. The heavy breaths increase in pitch, and Ralph smiles into his hair.

'You close?' Another quick nod, and Ralph presses his cheek closer to his hair. 'Can you come for me, pet? Can you do that for me?'

Roger manages to hold on for a few more week thrusts, aided by the rolling of Ralph's hips. With a shuddering moan, he spills into the blond, pushing his face into his shoulder and grabbing at his back. Ralph rides him down, then pulls back from his lap, finally looking at Jack, who has obviously recovered enough to sit up more.

'You came. You came, and you didn’t even realize' The redhead remarks casually, and Ralph blinks, glancing back at Roger’s stomach.

'Oh,' He says softly, and Jack snorts, fingers smoothing over his fingertips.

'You're so sweet,' He murmurs, and Roger nods, stiffly crawling to lie beside Jack, 'Neither of us deserve you, frankly.'

 

Between them, Roger has since fallen asleep, his head on Jack’s chest and cradling one of Ralph’s arms like a teddy bear. Jack’s arm is trapped beneath him, so he rubs his shoulder soothingly, watching him calmly.

When Ralph shifts to lie at a better angle,  he rests his cheek on Roger’s chest, and Jack’s thumb briefly swipes over his jaw in a fond gesture before returning back to the slow rub over Roger’s upper arm. He turns his calm, watchful gaze on him, and cranes his neck to kiss his temple.

'Have I ever told you how lucky I am to be in love with you?'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this got rlly long  
> also i couldn’t resist that last five years reference litty


	12. XII

Roger wakes to Ralph's face pressed into his neck, the other side of the bed empty.

It's early - he can tell by the grey light pushing through the curtains. But what he can’t tell is what woke him up so early. He stretches as best he can without jostling Ralph, then runs his fingers down the length of his bare back. The blond makes a noise in his sleep, shifting to rest his cheek on his chest, and Roger kisses his temple softly, squinting across the room, trying to find Jack, mind still hazy with sleep. He wants to call out, but fears he'll wake Ralph up. He should really find out how heavy of a sleeper that the other boy is.

 

He's still awake when Jack slips back in the room, staring at the ceiling, fingers playing over the vertebrae of Ralph's spine. Jack's hair is wet - Roger figures that’s he's just showered - and a towel is wrapped around his waist. When he notices that Roger is very awake, he smiles and sits down beside him.

'Hey, pet,' He murmurs, resting his hand on Ralph's shoulder, 'How come you're up?'

'Should say the same about you.' Roger's voice barely comes out, but Jack still hums, kissing his temple. His skin still holds the warmth of his shower, and Roger pushes his face into his neck, breathing in the clean scent of his hair.

'Couldn't sleep. You two are too pretty to miss.'

'Where were you, then?'

'We have an exercise machine downstairs. I got bored just watching Ralph talk in his sleep.'

'He talks in his sleep?' Roger smiles at the thought.

'Sometimes. And it's more like babbling and mumbling. It's cute,' Reaching across him, Jack runs his fingers through Ralph's hair. Roger lifts his face from his neck, watching the familiar tenderness of the action, like it was second nature for Jack to touch Ralph. It probably was. He wonders if this would go on long enough for it to become second nature to touch him, too. He hopes it will.

'I love you,' He whispers suddenly, watching the small motion, 'Even if the feeling isn’t mutual.'

'It is, I think.'

 

When the sun has risen, Roger watches Jack as he climbs over to settle with his face between Ralph's shoulder blades.

'Time to get up, love.' He whispers, and Ralph mumbles in his sleep, rolling away from him and into the warmth of the crook of Roger's neck. Jack follows closely, draping himself over his back and side.

'Go back to sleep. There's no reason for you to be up so early.' Ralph's voice is thick and hoarse with sleep, and he pulls Roger on top of him, face in his shoulder.

'There's quite a few, really. I can list them.'

'Shut up, and come see how warm Roger is.' His hand extends from under him, and Jack sighs, settling against his side. Ralph kisses his chest and drops back onto the pillows, smiling in contentment, surrounded by the warmth of those who he loves, and who love him.

 

x.x

 

It takes Ralph almost a month to learn what makes Roger tick. It had taken more than half that time to learn Jack. But that was a time where all he had to worry about was school, and he could afford to spend days on end in bed, tangled in Jack and completely sure in what he was, what he was getting in

But, compared to Roger, Jack is incredibly simple. Roger has bad days, where he seems engulfed in rage, even worse than Jack ever was. Ralph knows how to deal with irrational, angry people by now, but those days aren't what worries him. It's the worst days, where he hides under the covers and is wracked with sobs, or, even worse, completely silent and staring into space, refusing to do anything, barely even breathing. But he learns to be patient, learns to be understanding. He learns. He listens.

And the bad days were rare, the worst days even more so. Most of the time, it's just remembering the exact spot on his jaw that gets him to melt into him, or the way that he tends to turn away when he laughs or smiles, or what he likes to eat, what he can't bring himself to eat.

 

That morning, he comes down to find Jack throwing out all the packets of instant noodles and the frozen pizzas they never eat, frowning hard. They had already thrown out his old clothes, bought him new ones. Ralph had gotten his father to offer him a position at his firm, but he instead took a position that Ralph jokingly brought up one night, at his stepmother's flower shop. Jack said he probably would.

Jack already seemed to have it all down about Roger, but Ralph doesn’t hold it against him.

'I thought we got rid of everything that freaks him out?'

'I didn’t think about this. I just.' He stops, hunching over and placing his hand on the stove, nails going white from the tightness of his grip. Whenever Roger's life comes up, he always gets like this, 'That shit was all he had, if he was even allowed to eat. I wanna make that asshole hurt so bad. I just wanna - '

'I know, baby. I know.' Ralph takes his face in his hands and kisses him, hard. 'I feel the same. But the important part is that Roger is here now, and he's safe, and he's loved, and he doesn’t ever have to think about him anymore. Okay? We love him. He's gonna be okay.' Ralph rubs Jack's back comfortingly and kisses his temple. Jack turns to push his nose into his hair. 'What Roger needs isn't a vengeance plot. Okay? He needs us. Completely and unconditionally. He doesn’t need to even worry about that asshole. He'll heal, but we need to help him get over it. I don't want you endangering yourself for no reason.'

Just as they draw apart, the door opens, and Jack hurriedly stuffs the rest of the boxes into the bin.

'Hey,' Roger murmurs as he takes off his shoes, holding an old bouquet. Ever since Ralph had mentioned his love of romantic gestures, he had made a point to bring home the bouquets that no one picked up. They were always wilted and a little crushed, but Ralph is appreciative of the gesture. As soon as his coat is off and the bouquet is set down, he walks over and hugs him. Roger stiffens for a moment, then braces an arm across the middle of his back.

'Hi.' Ralph whispers, kissing his Adam's apple. Roger swallows, other hand going to his hair.

'Hey, baby. What's this about?' Jack's hand rests on the small of his back as he murmurs a greeting, kissing Roger briefly, 'Bad day or something?'

'No. Pretty good, I think.'

'Missed you.'

'I missed you, too?' Ralph's arms tighten, and Roger winces, shifting in his arms.

'I think he's gotten attached. Don't get me wrong, I have too. But um. We have different ways of showing it.' Jack kisses the back of his head.

'That man is an asshole. And I know he stills affects you,' Ralph looks up at Roger, who's clearly stricken, 'And I fucking hate that. I hate it so much, baby. If it was what you needed, you don't even want to know the extent of what I'd do to him. But. But it's not, and - and I know it's not. So, I want you to know that I'm here. I'm yours. And - I love you. Completely. I'm sorry I didn't say it when you said it, but I do.' Roger pulls him back into the hug, laughing nervously.

'Yeah?' He croaks, and Ralph smiles into his shirt. 'Yeah. Okay. I, uh, love you so much. Both of you, so much. And- and if you're gonna be here, I'm - I'm gonna be alright.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wanna get all my wips done by the end of the year (except the minifics bc that is Not Happening) and idk what else to do with this soooooo uh. follow me on [tumblr](http://gayjackmerridew.tumblr.com) ig


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